The last 4 months of my life have been an uphill battle. I can't put into words for you how hard these days have been for me, and I won't begin to try.
I will try to put some things into perspective for you though, because there is a lot to be learned from life. Whether you want to learn or not, you DON'T have a choice.
As a 21 year old, there are things I wish I didn't have to go through. But I have. And I have plenty more that I will have to endure. But that's okay. If I have learned anything in the past few months it is this: #icandohardthings
Unexpected things happen in life. It's inevitable. But remember this:
There are days I wanted to give up, crawl back home to my daddy and mama, and just cry.
I won't say I didn't cry, because I definitely had a few nights where I just sat down, defeated, and bawled my eyes out. But I didn't let this stop me. Neither did my sister.. or my mom.. or my daddy.. or my best friends. I was never alone in my struggles.
Those struggles? I was homeless. I was sleeping on couches. I was fighting to get through this semester. And most of all, I was exhausted. I wish there was a stronger word I could use to describe how tired I was. Eventually I got to the point where the 4-5hr average of sleep I got didn't even phase me. I did what I could.
Being new to Park City, I was expecting to be on my own the majority of the ordeal.
I had walked blindly into a terrible situation. After living in an apartment loft for a month, weird things started to happen and eventually was told I had 3 days to vacate the apartment I was living in. I was up all night that night packing my belongings for the 3rd time in my life, sobbing uncontrollably, and not knowing where I was going to go. I could't believe what was happening, nor did I know what to do.
Things had been going so well! I had unexpectedly been given the opportunity to go to Park City, work in the area of my major, and have everything fall into place.. How could this be happening?
Fortunately for me, I had a very significant player on my team. And without him, I know I wouldn't have come out of the situation in one piece. Undoubtedly, I broke into a million in the whole process. But by the end, my Heavenly Father had put me back together; made a better version of me. A version that I never could have imagined myself to be. But he knew. He knew I could do it. He knew we could do it together. He wasn't; however, going to let me do it alone. He had been putting a team together from the start.
The night that everything fell apart, I called my dad. He was calm, talked me through the crying and hysteria, and told me what I needed to do. I didn't have anywhere to go at this point. Just into my car. After talking with my dad, I called a dear friend. At 1am I called, and she answered. And from there, I knew I was being watched over.
Her family, a family I knew but hadn't had very much to do with, was going to give me a place to stay. Soon after that, friends were offering their couches to me. A family that I had become acquainted with in Park City through the craziness was doing their best to help me find a place to go. My managers and co-workers were on my side, willing to give me the time and help I needed. Special people happened that wouldn't have come about without this situation.
After being in town for only a few weeks, I had made eternal friends. These people showed me what it was to be truly Christ-like. Something I had always worked to be, was being shown to me. I got a lesson of what this meant.
Through this ordeal, I can't say I handled every situation graciously or with a great attitude. But I also can't say that it didn't help me grow and become a more mature, stronger individual. I look back to 5 months ago and think: "wow... I was so young then." I feel like a completely different person.
I've never been good at letting people help me.... or being patient... and I am 100% sure this is why I had to endure this trial. He was giving me the perspective I needed to understand that life wasn't going to be as easy.
Good things have happened during this trial that still make me smile and give me hope. It has brought people into my life that I know, if it hadn't happened, I wouldn't have with me. Relationships have been made that I won't ever forget, memories will be held onto, and a testimony has been strengthened.
I am a better person because of this trial, and I thank my Heavenly Father hourly for the lessons learned and the protection and safe-keeping of my heart while I have struggled to learn.
This difficult time is almost over, I'm on the downhill now. But I'm sure it's not the last trial. In fact, I know it's not. There will be more to come, and I look forward to them. Not with anticipation and excitement, but with the understanding that it will help me grow and prepare me for a beautiful life.
I tell people I don't feel 21 anymore. I feel so much older and wiser, yet my physical age has barely changed. My soul; however, has significantly aged, and that is a special feeling.
God doesn't leave you to do it alone. This I know for a fact.
How lucky I am.
And there's the viewpoint of a girl that is truly blessed.
Cheers!
Jillian
